To Feel the Sun by Marie Sexton

To Feel the Sun by Marie Sexton
Stars: 5/5

Length: 8 pages
Blurb
Sometimes love isn't enough...

Overall
This short is worth the pain it puts you through. Beautiful and heart wrenching.

Review
This story is beautiful and painful. The reader knows, nearly from the beginning, that things aren't going to be happy go lucky. And yet there is still a positive feel to the end of the story. It has lovely prose, is well written, and while just a slice of life, it is the most poignant slice of life you can find.

I definitely recommend this to everyone, unless you absolutely hate pieces with sad undertones/overtones.

Adam's Gift: A Memoir of a Pastor’s Calling to Defy the Church’s Persecution of Lesbians and Gays by Jimmy Creech

Adam's Gift: A Memoir of a Pastor’s Calling to Defy the Church’s Persecution of Lesbians and Gays by Jimmy Creech
Stars: 3.5-4/5

Length: 376 pages
Blurb
Jimmy Creech, a United Methodist pastor in North Carolina, was visited one morning in 1984 by Adam, a longtime parishioner whom he liked and respected. Adam said that he was gay, and that he was leaving The United Methodist Church, which had just pronounced that “self-avowed practicing homosexuals” could not be ordained. He would not be part of a community that excluded him. Creech found himself instinctively supporting Adam, telling him that he was sure that God loved and accepted him as he was. Adam’s Gift is Creech’s inspiring first-person account of how that conversation transformed his life and ministry.Adam’s visit prompted Creech to re-evaluate his belief that homosexuality was a sin, and to research the scriptural basis for the church’s position. He determined that the church was mistaken, that scriptural translations and interpretations had been botched and dangerously distorted. As a Christian, Creech came to believe that discriminating against lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people was morally wrong. This understanding compelled him to perform same-gender commitment ceremonies, which conflicted with church directives. Creech was tried twice by The United Methodist Church, and, after the second trial, his ordination credentials were revoked. Adam’s Gift is a moving story and an important chapter in the unfinished struggle for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender civil and human rights.

Overall
An inspiring and educational telling of one religious man's journey.

Review
What I read of this was a while ago, so many of the details are fuzzy. I didn't stop because I wasn't enjoying it, but rather because I became somewhat bored with it. Part of this could be my unfamiliarity with autobiographies. He faced many struggles and he overcame as many as he could. I think if I had continued, I would have enjoyed it, but I couldn't entice myself to return to it either. It was fairly well written and interesting, at least the 60% that I read.

There are many parts of this story that would make it ideal for a religious person who was trying to understand homosexuality to read. Obviously the narrator is relatable and the reader gets to witness his progression from standard blinded individual to understanding to advocate.

In some ways this is a painful story to read because the author had to face many difficulties just because he was welcoming to homosexuals. I think it's an interesting comparison to the struggles he relates of the gay people he's known, although (as far as I read and recall) he doesn't make this connection in text. He's doing what he feels is right and while he doesn't like some of the results, he refuses to back down.

I'd definitely recommend picking this up in a library if you can find it, but this will be a must-have for only some readers.

Dirty Laundry by Heidi Cullinan

Dirty Laundry by Heidi Cullinan

Length: 71,400 words (259 pages)
Blurb
The course of true love doesn’t always run clean. But sometimes getting dirty is half the fun.

Entomology grad student Adam Ellery meets Denver Rogers, a muscle-bound hunk of sexy, when Denver effortlessly dispatches the drunken frat boys harassing Adam at the Tucker Springs laundromat. Thanking him turns into flirting, and then, much to Adam’s delight, hot sex over the laundry table.

Though Denver’s job as a bouncer at a gay bar means he gets his pick of geek-sexy college twinks, he can’t get Adam out of his head. Adam seems to need the same rough play Denver does, and it’s damn hard to say no to such a perfect fit.

Trouble is, Adam isn’t just shy: he has obsessive compulsive disorder and clinical anxiety, conditions which have ruined past relationships. And while Denver might be able to bench-press a pile of grad students, he comes from a history of abuse and is terrified of getting his GED. Neither Denver nor Adam want to face their dirty laundry, but to stay together, they’re going to have to come clean.

This title is part of the Tucker Springs universe.

Overall
Sexy kink with tons of psychology and mental health issues, and all well handled. Maybe it’s the concussion talking, but this was a winner!

Note: I normally don’t review Riptide books because of conflict of interest (and I usually read them for work-related duties). I had nothing to do with this one (since I was concussed and out of work), and I’m not rating it (because it’s unfair). However, this was the first new book I read after my concussion, still during my recovery period, and I’m otherwise lacking reviews.

Review
Since the car accident and concussion, I was scared of returning to reading and reviewing, afraid I couldn’t give an honest, unbiased review after my brain hurty. This was the first new book I picked up after the accident and it eased me into reading new content and reviewing.

I really had no idea what to expect from this story, aside from my previous experience with Denver (in Second Hand) and the blurb that told me kink and laundry were happening. I was too out of it (due to said concussion) to really go in with any expectations, which I think worked in my favor. It was a wonderful surprise.

The characters are sweet, but super sexy, especially in the beginning when we get the heaviest hitting kink. What’s really awesome with the kink is the reader doesn’t just get sexy-time, but gets to really see inside their heads (especially Adam’s) to understand what is working so very well in the situation. But the scenes also balance out not just being about Adam’s emotions and they become the erotic explosion that they are meant to be.

The story being told isn’t incredibly complex, but it is a gigantic character study. Which as you know totally gets me hot and bothered when reading ;) Adam has his issues, Denver has his, and they both have friends who are incredibly understanding, mainly because they have worked through (or are working through) their own issues. Seeing the progression of these two men and their friends is just heartbreaking and heartwarming.

Be forewarned, that while this is a well-paced novel, the front half has more sexy sex than the latter half, which was the only slightly jarring part about it. But the reasons for this are good and necessary, so it’s not bad, but some readers may want to know ahead of time. Otherwise, I definitely recommend picking this one up for a read, especially for those who like kink and psychology.

A Heady Update

You may have noticed still no reviews.  Well, I have one that I've written and I have a film review list that may be ready to go up after that, but otherwise nothing.

I can read, which is a good thing, yes? But I've also been really judgemental about books I've been reading (like, books I previously enjoyed!). So I've hesitated jumping into a new book for fear I will judge it wrongly. But hopefully this week I'll feel like reading one of the dozen delicious books I have waiting for me.

And then updates will resume like normal. Hopefully this week there will be two updates, and then we'll go from there, but I'm making no promises.

Being Broken (update)

As anyone who follows me on twitter or tumblr knows, on Dec 29 I was in a car accident. I don’t remember anything about it, but this is what I’ve been told:

I was driving home from my parents’ house and it was starting to snow. The roads were exceptionally slippery that afternoon, although we don’t really know why. I slid out of control, turned 360 and went into the opposing traffic, where a jeep ran into my trunk (or I ran into it, the details are unclear, I suppose). My trunk was pushed into my back seat and the rest of my car followed suit. Amazingly my only injury was some lower back pain and a serious concussion (and several brain bleeds). I was in the ICU for a week and then moved to a regular hospital room before being released into the care of my parents.

All of this is scary enough, but some of the scarier things, for me at least, happened once I was released home. I felt normal. Sure I was weak on my feet and got dizzy, but that seemed fine. Once I was home however, I realized that there were some other concussion ramifications aside from dizziness and memory loss.

For a while I couldn’t read anything because my eyes would focus on two different points in the word and I’d see double of it all. This was especially terrifying since I work as an editor as a living, a writer as a dream, and a reader as a mainstay of existence. So that had me panicking, plus I couldn’t read to relax when tense, so it was a cruel circle!

My eyes are slowly getting better. While now I have some issues focusing, especially for long periods of time, at least now I don’t need to close one eye just to browse the internet/read twitter. I still have physical therapy and exercises to do, but the progression I’ve already made encourages me not to panic about the issues I still have.

My parents moved a bed to the downstairs for me (to keep me off the steps when they weren’t around), but I had a ton of trouble sleeping at night. The bed has since moved upstairs into my old bedroom and I’ve been sleeping somewhat better, although some nights are still hit or miss. The fact that I can now read when I’m restlessly awake has helped. Reading old favorites helps me keep my sanity.

On a grander scale, I’m extremely limited in many parts of my life.

The accident happened on Dec 29 and I went to my parents’ home on Jan 4th I believe. However, I can’t go back to work (any work) or drive until I have a follow-up appointment with my neurologist, which isn’t until January 31st. So I’m very much stuck. (For reference, my parents live in the country, so there are no sidewalks and very little public transport, so I’m dependent on the kindness of family and friends for visitations and travel.) As soon as I get approval from the neurologist I get to buy a new car (errr, a new used one) and go back to work, but considering how easily I tire, even work will be slow in returning to normal.

What all of this means....

*** I can’t write (despite having TONS of free time). I can’t focus; I can’t sink into the stories I was writing; and I’m somewhat terrified of screwing up the stories I did have going.

*** I can’t edit. Until recently, reading was almost impossible for more than a few sentences, so I can’t edit any of my previous works and I can’t work at all. I’ve been working on developing my ocular strength, but it’s really something that won’t let itself be pushed.

*** I’m not reviewing. While I could technically start reading and reviewing again, I’m holding off because I’m a bit of an emotional mess at the moment. Some mornings I start crying for no reason. I’m not a crier. So I’m a little concerned any book I read/review may not be honestly reviewed, so I’m not jumping right back into that.

However...

*** I’m hoping at the beginning of February to return to my full-time job, have a car, and slowly ease back into my hectic life. It’s probably going to be a little crazy in the beginning as I learn to re-cope with everything, but I will be returning. Please be patient.

*** I have a short story that needs some additions/edits, but will hopefully be going out and be accepted for a free anthology. It’s just supposed to be a fun little thing, but it will sort of be my first writing thing back after the accident, so it’s scary!

*** I’m making good progress with my physical therapy and overall advancements. I go to the gym and walk the track at least 3 days a week to keep me physical (and help me sleep at night). So I’m not wasting away, although all progress results in headaches and muscle aches.

I’ll try to keep everyone fairly updated, but the best place to find random updates is on twitter @alexwhitehall or on my tumblr here: http://www.tumblr.com/blog/alexwhitehall.

That’s it for now. More updates, reviews, and future writing adventures to come as my scrambled little brain can handle it.

The Brush Whistler's Song by Augusta Li

The Brush Whistler's Song by Augusta Li
Stars: 4.5/5

Length: 22,000 words (55 pages)
Blurb
Young Arjin is caught in the web of an ancient truce. Barely into his adulthood, he is given as tribute to the mysterious Najadira, part of a race of nigh-immortal horned warriors known as the Ansari. But Arjin is no innocent. Since his childhood, he has been trained for this day, groomed by the temple priests for a singular purpose: not to please the Ansari, but to murder him and free his people from the terms of their agreement.

Najadira, though, is old and jaded, and unsurprised by Arjin's true nature. Still, he chooses to keep Arjin near to him, finding that the young man's zeal quickens his old blood like few before him ever did. He allows Arjin access into his world, a world of beauty and wonder that had before now been denied. And as Arjin learns more about Najadira, he begins to question his teachings about the Ansari. Ultimately, he must choose between taking a life in the service of his beliefs or abandoning his duty and thereby condemning his soul to the decadence and sin surrounding him.

Overall
Wow. That's about all I can say. In a relatively short span Li creates a world, fills it with color, and brings the two main characters to life. My only complaint is that I want more!

Review
I think what immediately caught my eye with this story is the gorgeous descriptions Li uses in detailing Arjin's new home. Everything is bright and colorful and very nearly jumps off the page. After reading an excerpt, I very much wanted to delve into the decadent writing. And it's absolutely worth it. Not only is the writing a wonderful practice of the art, but the story and characters hold up in comparison.

Arjin is a man on a mission and despite Najadira knowing what that mission is, the two bond. Najadira is fighting against Arjin's entire past, while Arjin struggles between what he knows and what he feels. In some ways this reminds me of Every Good Thing by M. Jules Aedin, although much shorter. Arjin's inner conflict is what propels the story and gives plot to these two living together, and the reader will delight in seeing Arjin be swayed by Najadira and then repulsed.

This tale explores self-discovery and coming of age, in addition to several religious and cultural concepts, and in doing so can push some sensitive subjects, although I felt everything was handled respectfully. There were some convenient plot elements in this regard, but they weren't off-putting.

If I could say one negative (aside from wanting to see more of these two, although their story is quite complete), it's that I felt a giant question was left hanging in the air in regards to Najadira's immortality and Arjin's mortality. The fact that this was never addressed soured (a little) the wonderful conclusion this story draws.

In general I found this to be a delightful story that is quickly devoured and leaves a lingering splash of color across the palate.

Shoulda Been a Cowboy by Terry O'Reilly

Shoulda Been a Cowboy by Terry O'Reilly
Stars: 2/5

Length: 21,354 words
Blurb
Charlie Bradley has always entertained cowboy fantasies. When his boyfriend Jared offers him the choice of where to go on their summer vacation, Charlie chooses Stallions and Studs, a dude ranch catering to a gay clientele.

Upon arrival, Charlie meets the very handsome and studly Wade Connors, a riding instructor. Charlie is immediately enthralled with the man and finds his feelings, fight them as he may, are turning into love.

Wade, however, is a man who chooses a guest as his flavor of the week -- to romance, play with, and then move on. But this week Wade finds Charlie becoming more than he bargained for. What will happen when the week ends and Charlie has to leave for home?

Overall
If you're looking for cowboy smut with a weak, but existent, plot, this may be up your alley. I found it fairly lacking and hard to believe, but I still read the whole thing.

Review
I think my biggest beef with the story is that it's completely unbelievable. While I can imagine a couple with a relationship like Charlie and Jared, the way everything falls into place is just too neat, especially since it's so hard to imagine Charlie staying with Jared anyway. Along those same lines, this story deals with cheating, although not entirely of the main characters, so those who are sensitive to that should probably avoid this all together.

What's not believeable is what happens at the end. And some of the horse stuff. Being a 'natural' is good and all, but being a natural doesn't equal being able to rodeo better than people who work on the farm (unless they're incompetent, but that's never implied). Obviously some things needed to be forced in order to resolve issues within the short space, but the "solutions" felt extremely flimsy to me.

That aside, if you're looking for a range full of hot cowboys who cater to gay clientele (and I DO mean cater!), you may find this a tasty little bite, although I didn't find it satisfying.

Puppy, Car, and Snow by Amy Lane

Puppy, Car, and Snow by Amy Lane
Stars: 4/5

Length: 92 pages
Blurb
Ryan’s entire life changed the night Scott surprised him in a bathroom at a party. Now Ryan’s soulless climb up the corporate ladder has stalled—but his quality life has become a whirlwind of laughter, joy and surprises, thanks to Scotty’s playful, gentle heart.

After three years together, they’re going to Ryan’s parents’ cabin to spend Christmas. Snowed in by the weather and locked under the icy glare of his mother’s disapproval, can Ryan show he has found the most profound happiness in the simplest of things?

Overall
I can always trust on Lane for a sweet story, especially if it's around the holidays. I needed some cheering, so I picked this one up and found it to be a good mix of sweet, realistic, and funny. A great Christmas story.

Review
I'm not familiar with Ryan and Scott's previous stories, but I think the background Lane provided gave enough facts that I wasn't lost while not rehashing it for those who are familiar with these two men. They have a Love-at-First-Sight background, but they've also spent three years building a real life together, which I find just as wonderful as the first coming together.

I think what really brings this story to life is the characters. They are, well, a bunch of characters! (Sorry, couldn't help it.) Although our narrators (Scott and Ryan trade off back and forth) have already formed opinions about the cast, what's really great is that those opinions are able to be pushed and stretched.

The bigoted character isn't just a bigot. He has some other qualities too. The stuck-up sister? Also a caring mother. In a short space, Lane takes this tiny cast and shows the depth of people, even people you don't like who you're stuck with because they're family. It left me with a very positive, Christmas-y feel.

The plot was good, cute, but I think outshone by the interplay of characters, so I don't really have much to say on it. A good, joyous tale!

precious_boy by KZ Snow

precious_boy by KZ Snow
Stars: 3.5/5

Length: 142 pages
Blurb
It was just an amateur porn video, like thousands of others on the Internet. Like hundreds Jonathan Wright had seen and hundreds more he'd ignored. He hadn't intended to watch it, but he gives in to his curiosity. When he sees the lithe, blond young man who's doing naughty things with a bearish, older man, he's seduced… and feels like a pervert afterward. The youth in the video seems a little too young, despite the fact he runs his own escort service. Worse yet, Jon gets the nagging feeling he's seen "Justin Time," aka precious_boy, before.

When Jon takes a chance and meets Justin in a Chicago hotel room, Jon's past, present, and possibly his future begin to converge in alarming and confusing ways. There's no escaping the resulting dilemma: Jon must decide just how involved he wants to get with a sweet kid whose life has turned sour… a decision made more complex by a surprising connection to a lover from Jon's past.

Overall
A sweet, kind of cute, story that was enjoyable but didn't leave a lasting impression.

Review
The story/plot isn't bad and has several strong points, the majority of which centers around Ethan and his strengths. He's in a bad situation and while he hasn't made the best choices, he's also strong enough to recognize that and, with a little help, do what is needed to change. The coming together of these two men is sweet and enjoyable, although I felt it was a little forced sometimes.

I wasn't enthralled with the characters and found the leading male especially lacking. While the plot covers some pretty heavy topics, nothing feels like it's developed deep enough to really appreciate the struggle of the characters. Jon may be representing a realistic character, but as the reader, I didn't like him. He wasn't bad or hateable, but he wasn't someone I actually cared about either. Readers who don't mind Jon and his issues probably will enjoy this story more.

I founded the majority of the characters likeable and that they added nice flairs to the story. However, when Jon sleeps with Ethan's father when he knows he feels attracted to Ethan (and knows Ethan's father is lame), I found my dislike of Jon growing. He really isn't that bad of a guy, and maybe my obsessive reading of true love tales has tainted me, but I found the action unsavory. Jon of course grows and matures over the course of the story into a man who is worthy of Ethan, but I still found it difficult to like him.

A Knitter in His Natural Habitat (Knitting, #4) by Amy Lane

A Knitter in His Natural Habitat (Knitting, #4) by Amy Lane
Stars: 5/5

Length: 212 pages
Blurb
Stanley’s life took a left turn at a knitting shop and hit a dead end. The closest thing he’s had to a relationship breaks things off to date a “nice boy,” and none of the pretty young things in Boulder’s limited gay scene do it for Stanley. He needs to reevaluate whether working as a floor designer for a series of craft stores is really where he wants to be.

Then Stanley does a peculiar thing: he starts to live the life he fell into. Stitch by stitch, he knits his life into something meaningful. Just when he does, Johnny, the store’s new delivery boy, walks in.

Johnny is like no one Stanley has ever met: he doesn’t believe in quickies in the bathroom and has a soft spot for theater and opera. There has to be a catch. When Johnny’s dark past comes back to haunt them, Stanley realizes how much he loves his cushy life in the yarn store—but he’ll give it all up to keep the man who makes his ordinary life extraordinary.

Overall
As much as I love Amy Lane's stuff, I had low expectations for this one. Stanley is portrayed as bit of a slut in previous stories, and Johnny's dramatic dark past seemed eye roll worthy. I expected cheesy and shallow with characters I didn't like.

I love being wrong. Stanley is a bit of a slut, but he sort of reforms, and the drama that happens is dark enough to be meaningful and not just drama to further the romance. In fact, the romance is fairly secure by the time the drama happens. And Johnny is a completely sweet gentleman.

Absolutely worth picking up, especially if you like sweet, heart-stopping stories.

Review
This is just charming. Stanley and his makeshift family are charming, Johnny charms the pants off Stanley, and of course, life is knitting. While I think everyone can enjoy Stanley's story (and Jeremy's and Craw's), I think fiber workers (knitters, etc) probably enjoy it a little more—at least I do. It's inspiring. And sweet, and cuddly and some days just plain squee-worthy.

The characters in this Knitting book are kind, helpful, and pleasant to be around. While they may have habits that annoy you, they are still people you'd want to be your friends. They're nice and want to be good to you. They think you deserve something great. It makes the entire story a joy to read, although some may find it not conflicted enough. Honestly, the characters are a little too good to feel realistic, but they don't feel unrealistic either. (I know, that didn’t make sense!)

I was surprised where the plot went and how things turned out. It was a wondrous shock to see how things unfolded. In many ways this is the darkest of the Knitting series, although the purity of the characters never makes it feel too desperate. Even when horrible things are happening, there is still a sense of hope that radiates in the actions and the writing.

Final perk: The entire cast from previous books reappear and play significant roles. We see more of Jeremy and Aiden, we get to see Ariadne have her baby, and more Craw and Ben—plus the Ben-Stanley conversation from Stanley's view, which is very different from how Craw interpreted it. A warm, fuzzy family of knitters who help Stanley and Johnny come together.