Movie Reviews: Shut up, I'm Frozen

Shut Up and Kiss Me - Actor, fitness coach and pinup guy Ronnie Kerr draws on all facets of his far-flung career for this charming autobiographical tale about 35-year-old Ben (Kerr), who finally meets Mr. Right (Scott Gabelein) -- and then discovers how much they don't have in common. Director Devin Hamilton touches on monogamy and other related lifestyle issues in this playful comedy about relationship building in the contemporary world.

(rent) I’m really not sure how I feel about this movie. As the description says, it deals with monogamy...or not. It doesn’t really just touch on the topic either. It’s a central theme as these two men get together and struggle to have a relationship. The plot, acting, etc, were all okay. Not great, but not the worst I’ve seen. For me, watching this movie wasn’t so much a theatrical experience as a philosophical one. How would I handle if I was in a relationship with someone who wasn’t monogamous (and was upfront about it)? It gave me something to ponder, even if I couldn’t particularly recommend this for a viewing.

The Three Musketeers - (2011) The original three musketeers are past their prime and working menial jobs in Paris when their friend D'Artagnan rallies them to defend the nation. To do so, they must undermine Cardinal Richelieu's plot to have himself crowned France's next king.

(rent) Okay, this isn’t as good as the 1993 version, but it also took a very different path, which was sometimes hard to believe, but overall it worked. It uses more the general concept of the three musketeers and the plot rather than focusing on historical reality. It has some laugh-out-loud moments and some fun plot twists, etc. I found some of the action sequences to be a little far-fetched, and the last scene made me roll my eyes, but generally is was an okay psuedo-historical action flick.

White Frog - Nick, who has Asperger's syndrome, struggles to carry on after the death of his brother Chaz. Their parents have their own problems coping with the loss, but Chaz's best friend takes Nick under his wing.

(buy) This movie was pretty fantastic for many, many reasons. Some of the resolution felt a little too easy, but not enough to turn me off it. The characters are wonderfully three dimensional, the story is a slow reveal (that the viewer can guess, but it still is explored in such a way that it makes the reveal all the more important. This has several lessons, but it teaches through showing, not lecturing. I’d recommend this to just about everyone.

The Crow - Exactly one year after young rock guitarist Eric Draven and his fiancée are brutally killed by a ruthless gang of criminals, Draven -- watched over by a hypnotic crow -- returns from the grave to exact revenge.

(rent) I somehow grew up in the nineties and never saw this movie. My friends, who are huge fans, insisted on showing it to me, and despite the hype (and keeping in mind the year it was made), I enjoyed it. It’s very grunge, and the violence/gang gets almost silly in parts, but it never crosses that line and in fact seems to recognize it’s extremeness.

Despite the dark topic and horrible people that make up the majority of the cast, there are a few golden individuals that leave you with a sense of hope for the future. For a dark, death-ridden movie, it was handled with a balanced hand, making it as hopeful as it is a warning. While it didn’t grab me, I was definitely interested the entire time and enjoyed watching everything play out. If you’re like me and somehow missed this, it’s definitely worth a watch...maybe on Devil’s Night?

Frozen - After her kingdom is doomed to suffer from eternal winter, intrepid Anna goes on a quest to find her reclusive sister, the Snow Queen, and break the curse. Along the way, Anna teams with eccentric mountaineer Kristoff and his comic reindeer, Sven.

(rent/buy) I come from a very different place for this movie, as I’d heard all the fuss before watching it. Still, it was a very enjoyable movie. Not completely what I look for in a film to own, but I can definitely see why it’s so beloved. It has two strong female leads, a goofy, lovable (but still strong) male companion, a fun twist, and enough humor to keep things from getting dark. I think my biggest issue was that the ice queen could also form material out of thin air. But her magic is never really explained...so yeah.


Luke (Sylvan #2) by Jan Irving

Luke (Sylvan #2) by Jan Irving

Stars: 1.5/5

Length: 100 pages


Wandering cowboy Luke Walker is at the end of his rope after his girlfriend abandons their newborn daughter. A terrified new father, he's grateful to meet Dr. Morgan Gallagher. Morgan recognizes that he and Luke could help each other: Luke can rebuild Morgan's property and land so Morgan can have the horses he wants, and Morgan can provide the younger man with a safe place to raise his daughter. In theory, it should work out perfectly, except that Morgan is instantly attracted to Luke-a straight man-and sharing the same cabin and caring for the baby is a more intimate arrangement than he'd imagined.


A sweet story without much substance or conflict.


I think the biggest weakness in this book is the lack of conflict. While there is some internal struggle and growth, generally everything falls into place neatly. Too neatly. The baby's momma shows up, but doesn't cause any trouble, the exboyfriend-ish has no hard feelings, and there's no negative ramifications for the gay cowboys.

The biggest conflict was the baby's fever and the guys getting over themselves, and even that didn't seem like such a big problem since the supposedly straight dude hopped right over that hurdle.

There was nothing I hated about this book, but there's very little I remember about it either. Parts of it were cute, and it would work as a series of vignettes, but as a novel it didn’t hold up.

I may have enjoyed this story more if I’d read the first of the Sylvan series, but since the characters in that didn’t play too major of a role, I didn’t feel lost.


The First Real Thing by Cat Grant

The First Real Thing by Cat Grant
Stars: 3/5

Length: 123 pages
My name’s Cameron. And I’m a male escort. I’m the best, and most expensive, at what I do. I have one rule—never let anyone in.

In five years of hooking I’ve never picked up the wrong guy. But when I met Toronto ad man Trevor Barclay in a Manhattan bar, his soft green eyes and shy smile drew me right in. When I discovered the error I had made, I should have written it off as a mistake and moved on. But memories of the steamy encounter we shared in his hotel room continued to haunt me.

I never should have agreed to see him again, but from that very first night he worked his way under my skin and into my heart. I can’t stop thinking about him. But how can I tell him the first man he’s been with in sixteen years sells himself for a living?

A nice mix of sweet and funny with a touch of angst. It may not bring anything new to the table, but it gives a great telling that will tug the heartstrings when you’re not chuckling.

This was a sweet and generally humorous story (as in there are a good number of one-liners, the plot itself wasn't funny). The blogger format worked well for it and there were good reasons for the blogging format, both in the front end and the back end. Of course, the format also didn't feel terribly realistic, as certain parts were too detailed to have been written after the fact, but I marked that down with the hand-wavium of storytelling.

I liked how several threads of plot all came together in the end, drawing on side moments that seem like nothing but result in the climactic conflict. The conflict worked perfectly for the story, although the core of it is rather predictable. The emotional turmoil was great, and while the resolution seemed a little too easy, it also seemed reasonable, so again, I was willing to let it slide.

If you're looking for a classic rentboy-falls-in-love story, then this will probably have everything you need. Otherwise, it's an enjoyable read that didn't blow my socks off, but didn't bore me either.